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My young niece had hurt her back at work. She had to go to hospital for a few days. We went up to see her - just the close family.
To the nurse, the term 'close family' means one, two, maybe three people. The nurse would expect to see the young woman's mother and father, and perhaps a single sibling. In Western tradition the family unit is often very small. The nurse has very little contact with her aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws and so forth.
And there she was lying in bed, looking worn out. We hated seeing her like that. We spent the next few hours trying to cheer each other up, laughing, singing, just being silly - trying to raise each other's spirits.
In the Western tradition a hospital is perceived to be a serious, quiet place. Many people treat hospitals almost like churches: they lower their voices and refrain from loud laughter, singing or calling out. The nurse expects patients and their families to sit together quietly for an hour or so. She also unconsciously expects the visit to end or halt briefly when a nurse, doctor or specialist visits the patient.
We weren't being really noisy, but there were a fair few of us. We were surrounding the bed, and overflowing out onto the balcony. It's lucky my niece was in a room by herself.
The nurse is unnerved and threatened by the enormous number of people in the room. It contravenes her unconscious beliefs and traditions (i.e. that a family should consist of no more than four people and that voices should be hushed). She knows nothing about the Australian South Sea Islander culture and judges them according to her own beliefs and traditions.
Then a nurse walked into the room. She just gave us an ugly look, and said, 'I'm sorry; some of you will have to leave. Immediate family only.'
And we all looked at each other out of the corners of our eyes, and we knew what we were all thinking: we are the immediate family!
The nurse verbally apologises to the family. However, her body language betrays the fact that she is unnerved and angered by the large number of people in the room.
We said absolutely nothing to her. Just shut up, silent. Not a word.
But after she had left, we started talking. We tried to work out what to do.
In Western tradition, decisions are often made independently and a verbal response is given immediately. Because Barbara's family is silent, the nurse interprets this as consent.
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