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...I was in a state of shock; our son was 26, had a degree and was part way through a second one. He was a hard worker, didn't drink, smoke or take drugs, loved his family and never spoke an unkind word of anyone. This was all a terrible mistake...
...We pulled up outside the Acute Mental Health Unit and my heart sank to my feet. Why are we here? Surely my son can't be in this place! There is definitely some huge mistake and I will have it sorted out in no time. I started to feel angry at my son's father for letting this happen and confused with my daughter's apparent acceptance of the situation as she has a medical health background. Once inside the Unit and saw how unwell people were I started to feel a little confident as our son appeared to be as "normal" as the rest of us. And who could blame him for being a bit anxious given the chaotic surroundings....
...My husband, daughter and I eventually left the hospital to go home and make some sense out of what we had been told. I couldn't stop crying and I could only think of what this would mean for my son, if it were true. I kept thinking of all those dreadful movies about "Schizo’s" and became fearful of how my son would be perceived by others, because we knew that he wasn't like that... (Mum)
We had always known that my sister was eccentric, a little different and were used to her unusual ways of looking at the world. We loved her warts and all. We interpreted this as simply the way she was. However when she took an overdose of pills in the local park one Sunday afternoon, it became dramatically evident that things were no longer ‘normal’.
I was out with my fiancé when my mother telephoned me with the news. When I raced to the hospital where she was admitted I felt dazed, disoriented. The scene before me was all very unreal. It challenged my values at the time. It was wrong to take your life. When I saw my dear sister lying in the bed, literally only moments away from death, I was horrified. How did her world become so tragic, so unsatisfying, and so bleak? I wondered how she could desire death over life, how she could possibly want to leave behind all the family and friends who loved her. I just didn’t understand. I was cut to the core. Her mental illness was shattering. (Sister)
My first experience with mental illness was when I received a telephone call from the hospital. stating my daughter had arrived at the hospital with the police after she walked into the Police Station that day with her dog saying, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m going mad because I can hear voices in my head.” Even though I am a geriatric nurse, I knew nothing about mental illness. From the day my daughter was diagnosed with having schizophrenia, my life has never been the same. (Mum)
When our son was diagnosed with Schizophrenia I felt a mixture of relief, devastation, and confusion. It was a relief after two years of enduring a nightmare to actually receive a diagnosis and hope that finally he was receiving help. It is amazing to me now, 6 years later, how many people turned away from us in that difficult time, both close friends and health professionals.
I of course felt devastated, a familiar emotion of the past two years, as all our expectations of a happy productive life for our son were seemingly destroyed. The heartache of the past two years now had a name, but we had to ask ourselves did this mean that our son was going to be like this forever? I felt I had lost him as the illness had totally changed him. He was a different person, transformed into an unpleasant, unacceptable, disagreeable, and offensive individual. I felt isolated, vulnerable, and powerless.
You love your children so much and we could hardly believe this was happening to us. I could not say his name for a year without bursting into tears. I felt physically sick and weak. It crosses your mind that this is just too hard to endure, and just maybe, if you did not wake up today it would all be easier. I was sad all the time and did not want to socialise or talk to people. I felt that life was disappointing and had let me down and I grieved for that beautiful baby boy, that cute toddler, that handsome soccer player. It all seemed like another lifetime.
It was confusing trying to negotiate the mental health system, while at the same time, frantically educating ourselves about Schizophrenia; reading information, attending support groups, talking endlessly to people, both health professionals and carers and trying desperately to understand. To a person who has never had any contact with mental illness this is a mine field and a very difficult concept to grasp. I had absolutely no knowledge of mental illness and felt ashamed about how out of touch I was with this section of our society.
(Mum)
...when I discovered that my son had a mental illness – schizophrenia; it is almost impossible to describe the pain and anguish that came with this diagnosis. This happened seven years ago and I can still recall the despair that came like a black cloud at this time. I think that it is impossible for anyone who has not had this experience to understand the trauma that severe psychosis can have on a family. As a mother of a very intelligent and loving son it is very hard to let go of the hopes and dreams that you have for his future. (Mum)
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