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No one understands what you are going through, unless they have mental illness in their own family. So you withdraw your feelings and thoughts and carry on as normal as you can. I’ve gone through the motions thinking I was the only one with my daughter’s problems. This was until I started going to the ‘extended care team meetings’ and then found out I wasn’t the only one suffering. There were other people out there just like me. To be able to share one another’s feelings and to have the support of the extended care team as well as the support officer was just wonderful. I know now that help is just a phone call to these people. (Mum)
Caring for someone with a serious mental health condition can be socially and emotionally isolating. It is difficult to navigate these seas without incurring some personal problems along the way. I developed two sides to me – the public “I am coping/I’ve got it together” face and the private secret face that only I knew. I felt I had to keep things together on the surface because people were depending on me to help my sister and my brother as well as dealing with my own family’s needs. I was being torn in several directions and eventually I thought I was going to explode
I developed an ulcer that did not go away and I had to receive treatment which eventually fixed that problem. I began to find sleep very difficult which was affecting my ability to concentrate and function in the day. I needed to take medication to help me switch off at night. Eventually I learned to manage this situation with herbal teas, calming myself before bedtime and taking time out for me.
But one serious sign that I discovered meant I needed professional help was when I realised one day that I no longer felt anything. I didn’t know how to laugh, cry or simply enjoy life any more. I was flat. Ice. Numb. I was a robot just going through the motions with no hope for the future and no capacity to love. It was not until I went on a quiet retreat to the mountains for a week that I was able to let go of my pent up feelings and literally ‘let it all hang out’. I cried and cried for days. I felt lighter and awake once more. I found a counsellor to talk to and every year I take time to be alone to get in touch with myself – because the danger of losing sight of what I want out of life is not worth the risk. (Sister)
I have no idea of how I got through the initial six months after his first psychotic episode. Some counselling and anti-depressants after the first 6months for 3 months helped. There was very little information given about the diagnosis and absolutely no support from the mental health system. My son was told to live independently, not be a bother to his family and to get a job. These instructions were absolutely ludicrous, he was sleeping 16 hours a day and became like a zombie. I think that the word paralysed would describe my emotions at that time... (Mum)
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